Sometimes you just gotta laugh
Having cancer sucks. Ain’t no two ways about it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t keep your sense of humor and laugh along the way. Sometimes you laugh at jokes that you make and sometimes you laugh at your circumstances or what has happened to you. As for me, being a very sharp wit, there were many times I had people doubled over laughing. Well, OK maybe they weren’t double over, but I think a few did chuckle at my jokes. But this is a story that happened while I was in hospital. I wasn’t trying to be funny on purpose, and at the time, I didn’t see the humor in it, but in retrospect, it was funny.
I had my MOAS on Feb 18th, 2004. It was a 10 hour surgery with the heated chemo (no, this is not the funny part… it’s coming). When I came to, I had a breathing tube down my throat, about 600 tubes in various parts of my body and my hands were tied to my bed so I wouldn’t accidentally pull any of the tubes out. I don’t remember a lot about that time, but I do remember a feeling of complete helplessness. Since I couldn’t talk, I wasn’t able to tell the nurse what I needed (I think I needed a blanket), so she gave me a pen and paper to write with. Now, remember, my hands were tied, so I couldn’t see what I was writing. My penmanship is shoddy at best, so I can only imagine the chicken scratch I was creating, but somehow the nurse was able to decipher it and got me what I needed.
Now for the funny part. A couple of days later, my wife was getting ready to leave to go out to dinner with her parents and my parents (my parents came from OR to be with me, and my in-laws came from NC). Remember, I still had numerous tubes and Ivs attached to me, apart from being doped up on pain meds. Also, I hadn’t walked more than a few steps in days. Anyway, for some reason I told my wife that I wouldn’t be going with them. She looked at me quizzically and said, “Where do you think we’re going?” I said, “To the gym to work out. I’m not going to go with you.” She looked at me and said, “Uh, OK. You just stay here then.”
For some reason, I was under the impression that I was much better than I was and that if I wanted to, I could go to the gym (although, that wasn’t even where they were going.) One thing I learned about the pain meds you get in the hospital, they make you say funny things, even when you aren’t trying.
Got any funny stories of you own? Leave them in the comments section. We could all use a chuckle.
December 30th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
I had an experience in May when 2 nurses came to put in a PIC line. They came in doing a comedy act, clearly to calm me the patient. They were very competent, but for whatever reason they hit an artery rather than a vein. When they loosened the tourniquet that artery blew out blood all over them, their hair, the window, the room’s walls door, bed etc.
After fixing the problem (getting it into a vein) my floor nurse stuck her head in and saw the mess. I refered to it as the Carnage on 5100 (the surgical oncology unit). That line made it all around the nursing station for days. Even the doctors on rounds the next day were referring to it as the Carnage on 5100. Everyone had a great laugh, though the 2 PIC line nurses were embarrassed.
December 31st, 2005 at 9:54 am
Something funny happened to me one day when I had a doctor’s appointment. My appointment was at 11:15. I just happened to be working at a site close by, so it was going to work out perfectly. I left my worksite at about 10:30 and arrived at the clinic at about 10:45. This place has a terrible parking problem - AND it was raining cats and dogs. It took me a good 15 minutes to find a place to park (very far from the door) and find my way into the clinic - wet and irritated.
I took the elevator up to the 4th floor, got off and made my way to the appointment desk. The girl at the desk said the doctor was running 1-1 1/2 hours behind, and would I like to reschedule. I told her that normally I was an hour away and just happened to be working 10 minutes away, so I would wait. I waited in the waiting room dozing, flipping through magazines (trying to find any tidbit that I hadn’t already read), and watching the people around me, for what seemed like an eternity.
Finally they called my name. The nurse took me in the back, weighed me and took my blood pressure. She then guided me to an examination room, asked me to get undressed, put on the goofy paper gown and wait for the doctor. Well, I guess that was just a little too much waiting - I starting thinking “why me?” and all the emotions that go with that came bubbling to the surface. I wondered if I could talk to the doctor without crying. After about 15 minutes the nurse came in and told me that the doctor had to leave unexpectedly and that I would have to reschedule. Huh? Now I was really dejected - I had wasted a good three hours of my time and was an emotional wreck.
I slowly got dressed and moped out to the appointment desk to reschedule. I did so, and then got on the elevator to go down. I got down to the ground floor, then realized I had left my umbrella on the 4th floor. With a heavy sigh, I pushed the 4, rode back up, grabbed my umbrella and got back in the elevator to ride down. I was feeling pretty miserable, dejected and upset by now. When the door opened at the ground floor and I slinked out of the elevator, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.
I had just started to round the corner, when an old man came out of nowhere and was suddenly walking beside me. He had a big belly like Santa Claus, and was wearing a white t-shirt and khaki shorts. The shorts were pulled up over that big belly - almost up to his armpits - he walked with his back bent and that belly leading the way. All-in-all, a pretty comical sight. I started to quicken my pace so we wouldn’t be walking together as I/we turned the corner - mainly because I didn’t want him to see that I was crying. He quickened his step also - then I heard him say
“Arooound the bend we go …”
He then said “Hey missy!”
I slowed down to see what he might need.
He asked “Do you know what time it is …” he paused, and I started to look at my watch.
He then continued ” … when a Chinaman has a toothache?”
I smiled a little, and said “No, I don’t.”
He grinned mischieviously and said “Tooth Hurty!”
I was then grinning - and I chuckled to myself all the way back to my car in the rain, and on the drive back to work. That old guy made my day. I didn’t waste my time - it was all worth it just for that!
(Yes, the joke was silly and old, and slighty off-color, but it wasn’t about the joke)
January 4th, 2006 at 10:23 am
I’m Kevin’s wife, and my favorite funny caretaker moment, other than the “I’m not going with you to the gym” one Kev already described (the guy could barely even hold his head up!) occurred about a week post-op during morning rounds.
Set up: This was in Feb. 2004 when the Democratic party still had about 6 candidates for U.S. president. You need this context to “get” the punchline.
Every day the chief resident, accompanied by half a dozen sullen interns would come into Kev’s room in the morning for rounds. Part of the routine was to assess how cognizant Kevin was by asking him things such as “What is your name?” “Do you know what day it is?” etc. On this particular day, Kevin was a little doped up, but was able to come up with all the right answers. The doctor sounded bored as he continued down the list of questions. Then he got to the final question–”Who is President of the U.S.?” Without missing a beat, Kevin replied, “Dennis Kucinich.” (For those of you not politically aware, or who have blocked out that campaign, this guy’s chance of becoming president was about the same as a snowball’s in hell).
The doctor seemed quite alarmed, snapping up his head and shooting up an eyebrow or two; the few interns who were not actually sleepwalking looked confused and worried; then Kevin–master of dry wit–let out a wry smile and a tell-tale snicker.
The docs all cracked up when they realized they’d been had, and morning rounds were a lot more jovial in Mr. Kersey’s room from then on.
January 28th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
We buy most of our groceries at a large health food store. The store is excellent and has many organic and natural foods, supplements, soaps, cosmetics, etc. They are very proud of their products however, and it can get VERY EXPENSIVE!
One day we were shopping in the store, and we had our cart very full. We were about to head to the checkout when an older fellow stopped us. He said “When you head to the checkout, keep going out the door - the trouble you get into for that couldn’t possibly cost you more than paying for all that!”