Reading some of the posts on our PMP Bellybutton forum, started me thinking about strength. Not physical strength, but emotional strength. When one is told they have cancer, or their loved one is told, how do these people find the strength to fight?
I remember laying in my hospital bed, over three years aog, waiting for the surgeon to come in and tell us what the pathology report said. Up till then, we were pretty sure I didn’t have cancer as the preliminary tests they did during surgery came back negative. But that morning, just to be safe, I kept praying that we would get good news. Over and over I prayed that I would be fine. Then something strange happened. All of a sudden, I started to pray for the strength to face whatever it was that was before me. I don’t know why my prayer changed, but I believe it prepared me for when the doctor came in and said those dreaded words, “I’m afraid it’s malignant.”
I don’t remember Roni’s reaction, but I remember mine, “We’re going to fight this.” I didn’t know how, and I certainly didn’t know what was in store, I just knew I wasn’t going to take it lying down. I wasn’t going to quit. This isn’t to say I have been “up” the whole battle. There were times I cried, saying, “I don’t want to die”. But after a few days, I would steady myself, go to the gym, and tell myself over and over, “I’m going to live, I’m going to fight, I will not go gently into that good night.”
So where did that strength to fight come from? Partly from my desire to live. Partly because I did not want to leave my wife (who would balance the checkbook? 
). Partly it came from friends and family, and from other PMP patients and caregivers. And that brings me back to the PMP Bellybutton forums.
There are two stalwart caregivers in our group, who have already been through hell. Watching their husband’s slow and difficult recovery. I watch in awe as they keep plodding along, under immense amounts of stress. I kept asking myself, where do they find the strength to keep going? Then I realized, they found the strength in each other. Even though they were both in the same boat, they were able to lift each other up, and encourage one another to keep fighting. To keep going. To not give up. And seeing that kind of strength, helps others who are also going through hard times, and those who WILL go through hard times.
Knowing that we are not in this alone is sometimes all we need to make it through just one more day.
Knowing there is someone who is fighting with us, is enough to give us the strength to not give up and continue the battle.
Aimee and Angela, here’s to you and the strength you give to each other and to the rest of us. May you soon find the peace that you and your family so greatly deserve.
Kevin